I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
