he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
