PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
