new low.... made out with someone while peeing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
