Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i drank out of a bidet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
