you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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