Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
