every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
