yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
