i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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