no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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