some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
