Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
