I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
