Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
