Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
