hotel room ftw
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
