I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the day after is always just damage control
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
