Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
