There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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