i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
