i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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