Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
