I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
