Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
