White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
