I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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