it wasn't lemon gatorade
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
