Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
