I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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