Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
