be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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