It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
