I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
