I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
