It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i believe in u and ur pee
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
