I wish my penis had an off switch
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We need a shit load of segways right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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