So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
