I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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