Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
