Swine flu. Run for my life!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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