Princesses don't give blow jobs
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
