I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
