just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
