I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
