Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
