Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
