it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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