I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
