He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
